A Light at the End of the Tunnel (of morning sickness)

I’ve chosen not to document the past few weeks, mainly because they’ve been very very challenging for me. And also because I’ve certainly shared my fair share of doom and gloom on this page about morning sickness. Lets just say that this time around was a LOT worse than what I experienced with Vi and we’ll leave it at that.

Here we are now at around about the ten week mark and my days are certainly more joy filled then they have been for a few months. Violet is always a happy little girl, so I do feel like she has made this journey as easy as it could possibly be for someone struggling to keep any food down at all for a number of months.

Our close family and friends are now in the know and have been for a couple of weeks! I really do think that sharing your news makes dealing with the difficult things easier to manage. My parents were overjoyed when Violet handed them her book “You’re a big sister”, Mum gave me this look of confusion that almost immediately turned to squeals of joy, and Dad gave me the smirk he often gives people when he’s trying not to seem too excited (when he really is).

I’ll be honest, it all doesn’t seem real yet. Even though I’m throwing up and not really fitting into my jeans anymore. I guess it always seems to be one of the things in life that don’t really feel real until you’re holding your little newborn in your arms… And sometimes it still doesn’t feel real after that. Heck, some days I look at my one year old and think… “holy sh*t, I’m your MUM”. But there is joy and happiness all the same, regardless of realism.

My biggest challenges at the moment always seem to be the most simple tasks. Changing Vi’s bottom is a real struggle, especially when she conveniently seems to poo directly after I’ve eaten, meaning I lose the entire meal I just had the minute I finish changing her nappy. And the little things like going to the park or taking the washing off the line really steal a lot of my energy. With that follows the bit of guilt that I’m not able to keep vi fully occupied all the time. She is a great little independent player though so again, she makes things that bit easier for me.

We’ve nicknamed this little one Bean and I’m keeping up with Bean’s size on the Baby Centre app once again, and a new app I’ve found called Ovia. Ovia has much the same concept as baby centre (size comparisons, articles etc) but offers a little bit more insight into the actual size of your teeny tiny baby by showing you exactly how small their hands and feet would be if you could see them. It’s all a bit novel, but it reminds me every day to take a little time to think about the little one inside of me while we’re so busy being a family on the outside.

I am really relieved that I’m starting to feel a lot better, being more motivated and positive is so much easier when you’re not throwing up hourly.

Week 2 of knowing, week 5 (or 6) of growing

If I had to describe this week in one word, it would be “nauseating”. From about the 3rd day after we got a positive, I started vomiting, and I haven’t stopped. Morning sickness and a toddler are two incredibly full on things, things that put together I’ve dreaded for a very long time.

I’ve probably already spoken about the joys of ALL DAY SICKNESS. A lot actually because 1) In my last pregnancy I was very sick for the better part of about 3 months and 2) I am a total and utter sook when it comes to being sick. So naturally I have had a good old whinge on my blog about it. But this… this is next level.

I’m normally a pretty rock solid stomach. I mean… we do cloth for Pete’s sake. You know, the nappies people have to WASH. Yeah, those. Poop scraping included. So I’d like to call myself pretty strong in terms with dealing with poo, pee and all of the other general messiness that comes with toddlers. But when you struggle to keep food down WITHOUT looking at/smelling/touching poop, this becomes… testing to say the least.

Gross things aside, Vi really has been such a joy these last few weeks. She’s always a joy, bless her little heart. And she’s capable of making me smile no matter how badly I feel like I’m going to spew… or makes me smile while I’m spewing by joining me at the toilet door yelling Sim language words of encouragement “TEE MA MUM!”. And after I flush my sorrows down the toilet along with my lunch, she’ll often greet me as I open the door with a LOUD re-enactment of what I just sounded like (but cuter).

I’m still coming to terms with what is actually happening inside of me. Despite my sickness it really still doesn’t feel real. I suppose because Vi has been the centre of my focus for more than 2 years now (including the pregnancy) so imagining a tiny little someone, completely different to vi is almost otherworldly. I often feel moments of guilt where I realise that I’m so preoccupied with what’s happening outside in the world, that I’m almost forgetting there’s another whole world growing inside of me. But I do trust my body to be the nourishing, loving home for this little one, just as it was with vi.

I often find myself questioning how one person can hold enough love inside of them for two children. Because one is all I’ve ever known. But I do trust it will come in a wave of emotion, just as big and just as powerful as the one that overtook us the moment we laid eyes on our Violet. My only hope is for her to feel that love just as we do for her little sibling, even though he/she may preoccupy us in some moments in time.

I’m not sure I mentioned this in my last post, but we’ve decided we won’t be finding out the gender this time around. Crazy right?! There are very few surprises in life like being told the gender of your newborn baby, and we’ve decided it’s something we absolutely have to experience. If I’m honest, I’m not worried about “stocking up” we have plenty of neutral newborn clothes, and if it turns out to be a girl then we’ll be set! If not, boys can wear pink right? Hahaha! No, but in all honesty. They grow so quickly, I’m not too concerned about having everything colour coded that he/she needs before they join us earth side. Won’t I be dying to know?! Yes! But that makes the wait even more exciting.

For now, I am just SO excited about my mum and dad joining us this coming weekend! I’ve held off on telling them because I really wanted to do this in person with them this time. Last time was, stressful, to say the least. And I really want to show them just how happy we all are about welcoming our new addition. And what better way to then in person while they are all here with us. I am a little stressed that mum might be offended that we kept it from her, but I’m hoping that when I tell her why, she will understand and still be excited with us anyway (I know she will be). I also really just want to stop throwing up everything I eat 😩 but patience and time will give me that eventually. And good things await us on this long and beautiful journey to becoming a family of 4 (7 if you include the cat, dog and my boarding brother 🤣).

I can’t wait to share this with you all in a few months. But I’m glad I decided to start blogging (on private for now) until I can share this wonderful news with you all.