Don’t tell me I’m too young to be a good mother

With a pink blanket under her head and her seatbelt nicely fastened I walked through our local supermarket collecting our groceries for the week with my daughter in the baby seat of my trolley. This particular week I decided to start purchasing foods for my daughter to try, now I’m not really about those premade baby foods (but if you are then you do you! nothing against it, just a personal choice) so I was putting things in my trolley like organic sweet potato, pumpkin and avocado. Unbeknownst to me the truth of societies still prehistoric views on parenthood was about to rear it’s ugly head.

As I turned the corner I very nearly bumped into a woman’s trolley which she had left in the middle of the refrigerated isle. I veered pretty sharply in order to miss the trolley,  which of course startled my daughter, no more then running into the other trolley would have anyway. She cried, like babies do, so I stopped momentarily to talk to her and comfort her out of her fright. Whilst I paused I unknowingly had blocked the woman from her stranded trolley, so she approached me with a louder than necessary “Excuse me!”. I pardoned myself and moved my trolley aside, my daughter still crying and myself completely in my own mum world deliberating whether to pick her up to stop her crying or to try and distract her with the dummy she had lost interest in five minutes ago. So it took me by surprise when the woman turned to me for a second time as said “she’s not yours is she?”

Now I’ve had my fair share of questions in public, mostly regarding my daughter being my sister and my own mother looking too young to be a grandmother which are all usually met with a bit of a laugh and then me explaining that she’s actually mine. This time I felt a sting of judgement coming through. I smiled at my daughter and looked at the lady and said “she sure is! isn’t she beautiful, she’s four months old”. She peered at me down her pointed nose and said “Well I don’t think children should be having children, but she is quite cute. Bit of a shame” A SHAME. If you know me you would know I hate confrontation, unless I know you well enough to pull you up on something I generally let it slide for the sake of saving an argument. This is my family though and I’ll be damned if I let someone tell me that it was a shame that my beautiful daughter existed as my daughter.

“Thanks for your opinion, although I didn’t ask for it. Not sure how many children you know but not many of them are in 5 year relationships with the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. Guess I’m just lucky hey? Have a nice day” my heart was pounding and I was out of there as quick as I could go, neglecting to pick up the butter I was in the refrigeration isle for! I pushed the conversation to the depths of my brain hoping never to think about it again but after seeing a few fellow “young parents” attacked on social media recently for their age and their apparent inability to care and love their own children I figured now would be a good time to think about it, and god forbid, talk about it because it is 100% not okay.

All parents, regardless of their age, love their children, they want the best for their children and they will do anything they can to help them grow into wonderful, compassionate and loving adults. Regardless of the house they live in, the clothes they wear, whether they are married, how much they spent on their car, if they’re homosexual OR if they’re still what you would consider teenagers. If they were mature enough to make the decision to bring a child into the world then they should be admired for doing so, and for doing the best they can for that child.

The love you have for your child can’t be measured by how many toys you’re able to buy them, whether you could afford to send them to an expensive school or buy them all of the latest gadgets. Love is measured by the smiles, the hugs, the kisses and most importantly the empowering conversations you can have with them about becoming the greatest person they can possibly be. To care for the people around them, to love unconditionally and be accepting of everyone regardless of their differences.

I might not be 25 with a mountain of savings in the bank reserved specifically for having in children, my partner and I might not be married but we sure love each other like we are and we’ll give our daughter every ounce of love we have to give before we will ever let her feel unwanted or unloved. Young parents, don’t let anyone ever discourage you, your baby thinks you’re the greatest mummies and daddies in the world, and without you, they wouldn’t exist. You’re doing an amazing job, and if anyone thinks any less then maybe they should take a look at what’s missing in their lives before they make any negative comments about how beautifully full of love your life is.

 

xx Emily

19047607_833806753450505_2033322758_n

19074101_833808723450308_443811378_n

Advertisements

Dear Violet: Letter 1 – The greatest 10 weeks of my life (so far)

IMG_0186The beginning of a series of letters to my daughter Violet Rae, who today turns 10 weeks old.

Dear Violet,

Today you are 10 weeks old. I’m sitting here staring at that sentence and finding myself unable to truly believe it. Ten weeks ago today you entered the world, beautifully and loudly. I remember the instant you took your first breath and filled my ears with your cry, and your lungs with air for the very first time.

Already, in ten weeks you have taught me so much. To trust my instincts; motherhood comes naturally. To be patient; everything will happen when it is meant to, even your naps (no matter how badly I wish you’d close your eyes so I can sleep for 5 more minutes). To enjoy the early hours of the morning; There’s no point in wishing to be back in bed when your smile lights up the world, even while the sun still sleeps at 4am. To treasure every moment; you grow at the speed of light and I’ll be darned if I miss a single second of it. And that there is always more room for love; Before you I didn’t think it was possible to love anyone as much as I love your daddy, now as my love grows for you both every single day I truly see just how infinite and unconditional it can be.

You’re smiling more than ever now and showing us the things you love (and love to dislike). Booping your nose and talking to you, tickling you and bouncing you makes you so happy, as well as bath time just before bed and your play mat in the early hours of the morning when sleep seems to be the furthest thing from your mind. Nappy changes and sitting in traffic seem to be your least favorite things in the world, as well as that nasty runny nose you had two weeks ago that kept you up all night for so many nights in a row.You keep us on our toes thats for sure. You seem to know the exact instant that I sit down to eat dinner, because the second I do you decide that lying on your play mat or in your rocker is not at all where you want to be and you’ll just die unless I pick you up for cuddles again.

I’ve got to tell you a secret though Vi, even though you’ve only been around ten weeks I’m pretty sure your daddy has fallen head over heels for you. You should see how much he does for you, how hard he works. Up working late, and still waking up for cuddles with you in the early hours of the morning, even if it is only briefly. You’re his world and your smile makes his whole day, every day. So never stop giving him those, okay?

For ten weeks you’ve been the centre of my entire world, my every waking moment and every dream. But really you’ve been that for so much longer, and will be for the rest of my life. I can’t wait for every single moment.

 

All of the love in my heart is for you my darling, I love you now and always will.

Love, Mummy xx

Violet Rae: One Month Old

Processed with VSCO with f2 preset

I’m actually 100% in denial. It seriously cannot have been a whole month since Violet was born… But at the same time it feels like she has been in our lives for a lifetime. The past month has been one of the hardest, but most rewarding months of my life. Who’d have known 10 months ago we’d be on this journey together here right now.

These first four weeks have certainly been a massive learning curve. Learning to change nappies (lots of them), learning to breastfeed (and all the fun that comes with it) and also learning to let go of our once very-well rested life and to welcome a new life of a lot less sleep, but a lot more love.

I want to say that Vi is a relatively easy baby, but then again I’ve never had a baby before so I don’t really have much to compare her to. Her first two weeks she didn’t really cry much at all, she just ate and slept and pooped. And then of course when my mum left at the two week mark was when she started being a little bit more cheeky. I can’t say she’s been anywhere near a handful though. She’s easy to sooth, sleeps in relatively regular stints (meaning we have somewhat a pattern to our small amount of sleep) and hasn’t had any issues with breastfeeding besides occasionally overeating and then spewing it all down my front, you know, as babies do.

I must say I’ve never known a baby to grunt as much as this little one… and headbutt peoples shoulders to the point where she looks like she’ll give herself a concussion. Babies are certainly interesting little creatures… But we see more and more personality within her every single day, and fall more and more in love with her because of it.Currently she’s gained almost a whole kilo since she was born, and we haven’t measured her length recently but I feel like she’s certainly grown a whole lot that way as well.

We’ve also done a lovely little trip up to visit my family in Gladstone and Dan’s family in Bundaberg. And while we were there we had the privilege of getting some beautiful photography done (I’ll attach some sneak peeks below), thanks to my mum and dad for the gift of capturing those precious moments while she is still so little. (the photography is Dream Capture by Clarissa if anyone is interested, and she is just as lovely as her photography so I’d highly recommend her!)

Having a newborn is tricky for a number of reasons. Tricky because if you’re a new parent and  you have no idea what you’re doing. But can take solace in the fact that everyone out there was a new parent once, and you’re probably not the only mum to get poop on your hand and not realise until an hour later, or, in your sleep deprivation mistake your pillow for your baby. Every single day we learn new things along with Vi, and it’s been such a blessing watching her become the happy, beautiful little girl she is. It’s so daunting how quickly this month has flown by, I guess people really mean it when they say that they grow up fast…

Happy One Month beautiful little girl

img_5160img_5159img_5138

Bump Update: Week 17/18

WHAT A WEEK! I’m posting this a little late as we are now half way through our 18th week, nonetheless- I can take back my talley of number of days since last vomit in week 17. I won’t elaborate for the sake of your stomach but let’s just say it wasn’t pretty. Though I do have Daniel to thank for making me feel 100% better about the incredibly embarrassing situation that occurred, and he definitely didn’t fail to remind me again of why I love him so much. 

As you can tell I’m looking a lot more pregnant than before this week, and we are 100% experiencing little kicks here and there (how exciting) perhaps THE most exciting thing to note in these past two weeks though, is we had our scan! That’s right THE scan. The one where you find out the gender and all other things lovely, like if they have in fact grown all of their little fingers and toes and are not limbless in more ways than one. I am so pleased to announce… 

That it is in fact a real Human baby! And he/she has all of their fingers, toes, legs, arms and a well developing little body in general. And you’re probably wondering, what’s the gender! Well we did find out but it’s our little secret until the 22nd of October so there probably isn’t any point trying to coax it out of us, 1) because we’ve already said we won’t tell and 2) because we won’t tell, so there 😉

Our crazy little monkey didn’t make it easy for the sonographer; and I can probably guess that they’re going to be super good at swimming judging on the speed she/he leapt across my belly from side to side. We did manage to get some truly beautiful shots, and they certainly welled some tears in our eyes.

It’s so hard to fathom how so easily, without thought at all, my body is doing something so incredibly complex. Multiplying cells, growing bone and cartilage, developing a tiny little heart and brain. And I’m over here forgetting where I put my phone, and then finding it next to the toilet rolls in the bathroom. And although the discomforts of being bigger are certainly starting to occur, back pain, nerve pain, headaches and swelling feet, I can’t help but be completely overwhelmed and engulfed in love and admiration for the tiny little baby inside of me, growing and striving all on their own, to soon join us in this big beautiful world. We already love you so much our little one, and we can’t wait to meet you in February. 

Bump Update: Week 16

14331759_675125055985343_552010903_n.jpg

We’ve had a bit of a party bump this week! Saturday night was my good friend Libby’s 21st in the city, so we got all dolled up and I treated myself to three raspberry lemonades, which funnily enough I had to specify to the bar tender that I required them without vodka, to which she gave the a strange look before agreeing. Despite our best efforts Daniel and I arrived home at a mere 10:30pm, and we both marvelled at the fact that we were actually really good at this adult thing, considering the fact that we preferred to be home at that time compared to nights we’d both spent out until the early am of the morning.

I also THINK I may have felt hiccups this week, although I don’t usually feel much at all besides the odd bump that to me just feels like gas, I was sitting in a different position to what I normally do and I was certain I felt the rhythmic little jolts of a tiny little person having the hiccups. All I could think was “sweetie, I feel you, I get hiccups more than twice a day” he/she may just be burdened with the same strange condition that I seem to have developed involving hiccuping way more than the average person. To which I say to my dear child I am dearly sorry.

Nausea is still holding off, and my appetite has definitely returned (yes mum, just like you said it would even though I was certain it wouldn’t) and I now find myself constantly craving baked goods, even though I honestly can’t be bothered making them half of the time. I also took some time to look into the different types of cravings other women experience during pregnancy, and lets just say I’m glad as heck I’m not craving chewing on sand or bath salt (yes thats a thing, not sure that its doctor recommended so maybe lay off it a little if you’re suddenly craving those things), as well as other weird things like iceberg lettuce with sugar or dry weet-bix with peanut butter. My cravings are more standard, like I see a food, I want to eat that food.

Our app says that this week our little one is the size of an avocado! so continuously all week I’ve been replaying that video in my head of the little kid getting an avocado for christmas and being really surprised and happy about it “aw its an avocado! thaaaaanks!”, I’d highly recommend a watch if you haven’t been graced by the cuteness of this video, watch it here.

Mood swings have probably been giving Daniel grief this week, so bless his heart for putting up with me and my hormones, don’t worry sweetie, it’ll be worth it in the end.

 

Bump Update: Week 15

21f6b0146d33c3cbb8c45c6523ca167f.jpg

People were always miraculously surprised this week when I mentioned that I am officially 4 months pregnant, “What?! No… you’re skinnier than me!” “Where the heck are you hiding it?”… well believe me, clothing is extremely deceptive. Never ever in my life have I had a tummy (yes I’m lucky, good genetics, however I played so much sport as a kid it was insane), but this is a tummy and a half in my perspective, I almost scare myself half to death looking in the mirror side on. I sometimes catch myself thinking, but what if its actually just all the big macs and soft serve ice creams I used to have catching up on me? What if I really am just getting fat?

It’s also in that awkward stage this week where, with clothes on, it kind of just looks like I ate a little too much for breakfast. So I like to occasionally put my hand on my stomach whilst I’m in public, signalling to strangers (who probably really couldn’t care less) that no, I’m not fat and in desperate need for a gym membership, I am in fact growing a real life little baby! In hopes that instead of them thinking “ew maybe lose some weight” they’ll be thinking, “aw, baby, yes cute”. Could be insecurity, could be hormones, either way I feel really kind of special when I rub my tummy, like the mums in movies who are so emotionally connected to their baby that rubbing it makes it look like they’re communicating with each other (magical music, skin glowing, laughing while looking at the camera… you know the scenes I’m talking about).

I’ve achieved a heck of a milestone this week! Not one vomit… Not a SINGLE one!! This is so damn exciting because every other week since week 4 I have had at least one incident. Between week 4 and week 10 was definitely the worst of it, multiple incidents a day, multiple smells as triggers including food I usually enjoy. I’ve got to hand it to the mummas out there, you’re freaking champions (including my own beautiful mum), Morning Sickness is a LIE (it is ALL the time!) and it is so much worse than Sims make it out to be, lets be real… they vomit like 3 times and then all of a sudden are full term, how unrealistic! So to say that I am excited that the fog has finally lifted would be an understatement.

Now I can’t say I’ve had any super weird cravings, but my tastebuds have been doing super freaky things, like making thick shakes taste like beer (um YUCK), and soy-sauce taste like vegemite. I also smell things out of the blue that no one else can smell, like lasagne… just randomly like OOOO lasagne, and then everyone I am with will look at me funny as if I’m just making up a scent (smh, if I was them I’d be sad I couldn’t smell the lasagne, lasagne is amazing).

We have our Morphology scan coming up in a few weeks, which I’m looking forward to, yet at the same time dreading because I honestly think that this time I am probably going to accidentally wee myself, SERIOUSLY who’s bright idea was it to get pregnant women (who already have the uncontrollable urge to wee every 5 minutes) to drink a litre of water and then HOLD IT for an HOUR… You know what actually, I bet it was a man, someone who has no idea what its like to have a tiny human leaning on your bladder making it impossible not to wet yourself when you sneeze or turn around too quickly. Typical really, if you ask me.

We will be finding out the gender! Which I personally think makes having to nearly wet myself in public worth it. Mostly because we are both impatient people, but also because the pregnancy itself was surprise enough for us, so I think we’re good for surprises, at least for a while. And we’re having a gender reveal party! which will be super fun, and really special being able to share it with all of our beautiful family and friends in the one place at the same time.

Basically week 15 has been so kind to me, I couldn’t help but share it, and our little one is currently the size of an apple. No flutters yet, but I’m sure this blog will be the first place I share it. I honestly can’t wait to feel our little one dancing away inside of me!14281493_670839489747233_101961372_n.jpg(photo difference week 13 to week 15)